Desert Flower

Ramadan part 2 : Quran on Fasting

2008-09-20T21:42:00.002+03:00

Ramadan is often referred to as the month of the Quran. God praised this month by choosing it to send down all of his divine books.

The Prophet said: “The pages of Ibrahim were revealed during the first night of Ramadan. The Old Testament was revealed during the sixth night of Ramadan. The New Testament was revealed during the thirteenth night of Ramadan. God Reveled the Quran on the twenty-fourth night of Ramadan.

(Ahmed 4:107)

The prophet was accustomed to retreating to Hira cave in the mountain of light seeking solitude in order to come closer to God. During the month of Ramadan of his 40th year the Angle Gabriel came to the prophet and delivered the first verses of the Quran. “Read in the name of your Lord who created man from a clot. Read and your Lord is Most Honorable, He who taught (the use of) the pen and taught man that which he knew not.” (Quran 96: 1-5) These revelations continued for the next 23 years until the Quran was completed.

Another reason the month of Ramadan became known as the month of the Quran was because the prophet used this month to review the Quran with the Angle Gabriel in order to ensure that his memory didn’t fail. The year of his death he reviewed the Quran twice.

“O you who believe, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous.” (Quran 2: 183)

The order to fast was not given only to the Muslims but to all those believers who came before as well. One must abstain not only from food and drink but sexual relations, evil speech and deeds as well. One must do this for god alone. If fasting in done right it purifies the body and soul from evil and ill behavior.

“Fasting for a fixed number of days, but if any of you is ill or on a journey (during these days) then the same number should be made up from other days. And as for those who are able to fast, but with hardship, they have a choice either to fast or to feed a poor person for everyday. But whoever does well of his own accord, it is better for him. And that you fast are better for you if you only knew.” (Quran 2: 184)

“The month of Ramadan in which the Quran was revealed, a guidance for mankind and clear proofs for the guidance and the criterion between right and wrong. So whoever of you sights the crescent moon on the first night of the month of Ramadan, he must observe fasting that month, and whoever is ill or on a journey, the same number of days must be made up from other days. God intends for you ease, and he does not want to make things difficult for you and wants for you to complete the period and to glorify God for that to which He has guided you, and perhaps you will be grateful.” (Quran 2:185)

“And when My servants ask you concerning me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls upon me. So let then respond to Me that they might be rightly guided.” (Quran 2:186)

Ramadan

2008-08-28T18:48:00.018+03:00

I've been busy the last few days preparing myself for Ramadan. There are so many dimensions to Ramadan and really only a few are talked about, When I did a search on it I only found very basic facts. There is also a cultural aspect of Ramadan that is different not only from country to country but from family to family as well. This is talked about even less so I thought I would write about what Ramadan is to me religiously and culturally.

The preparations for this special month start about a month before. It is sunnah to wear your best clothes on Eid, new if you can afford them. This as evolved into a huge exaggeration in some families spending an entire years salary for these things that include pj's, shoes, gold, accessories, purses, abayas and anything else they can think of. Ramadan is when the stores bring the new styles for the season. The price at that time will double and people will pay the prices having no real option. The reason preparations start a month before is because of the huge sales that take place. It is similar to the day after thanksgiving sale only less crowed. The reason it is less crowded is because most women are waiting to pay double the price for the new styles that are brought. This to me is just plain stupid and if someone judges me cause I am wearing something that they consider last season well then so be it cause they really aren't worth knowing or dealing with. Don't get me wrong I like to dress nice and fashionably but my sense of style is classic and I prefer that to always being trendy. I have a sense of style but am also very level headed and love getting quality name brand clothing for 75% off.

For Eid I usually get two new outfits, shoes to match, a purse, and maybe some jewelry but again all at a low price and these things are usually staples that will add to my wardrobe and last me all year. That way my wardrobe only needs updating and adding a few more staple pieces, which I do twice a year once for winter and once for summer. Some times if I am in need of a new abaya I will buy that this time of year as well. I like a certain brand of abayas that are really pretty spendy but it will last me for a min. of three years and 5 at the most. This year everything cost me about 1, 355 SR ($360). The amount I spent was higher than normal as I happened to be in dire need of a new abaya. So I would normally have spent around 850 SR ($220)

{Kabsa}

{Samboosa}

{Dates and Arabic Coffee}

After the shopping is taken care of there is usually some mini spring cleaning that goes on in the kitchen and my closet. I go through my close and donate the things I've never worn, only wore a few times or those things that don't fit me any more. Then I clean out the fridge and re-organize the kitchen cupboards. Now we are ready to do the grocery shopping to stock up on the special foods we like to eat during Ramadan. I don't make many of the traditional Saudi favorites for Ramadan as I like a simpler meal but for those who are curious I will least some of the most famous. First and for most are the samboosas that are a must (even in my house I must admit...I love em!) as well as Al-Gamat(kind of sweet breaded fryed and dipped in date syrup or hiney), Vimto which I detest is much like cool-aid, soup or stew of some kind, Rice and an insane amount of sweets be they puddings, cakes or Jello. You should she some of them shopping with not one but two overflowing carts full of groceries. This saddens me as Ramadan is not about food but rather the opposite. Most Saudi families consume more food during this month then any other. This month is a time to consume less and sustain ourselves on simpler meals. This is one of the many blessing of this month an opportunity to detoxify our bodies and give them a chance to heal themselves. God in his infinite wisdom who created our bodies knows that digestion of food take the most energy of any process our bodies perform. So if we are constantly stuffing our faces and filling our stomach the body spends all of it energy to digest rather then to heal and repair so Ramadan is a time to rest and refresh ourselves.

{A typial try with dates & coffee}

As for my family, we break our fast with dates and water as this was the sunnah of the prophet. I like to add Arabic coffee with the dates. Then we pray the evening prayer and when finished we dine on soup and salad and sometimes samboosa either with chicken or cheese. Then between that and the morning prayer when we may have dates with milk we will eat some kind of fruit or drink fresh juice. I would say that for the entire month I will maybe cook a real main meal 2 or 3 times.

{Where we break our fast}

Lastly I prepare some religious books to read and download lectures that I want to listen to while in the kitchen cooking. Plus I do try to read the entire quran as Ramadan is the month of the quran but never seem to get to it all but hopefully I will this year, Inshallah

Ramadan truly is a blessing that gives an opportunity to change bad habits, repent from past sins and refresh our bodies, minds and soul. It is also a time to renew ones faith in and relationship with God. All Muslims all over the world rejoice at its coming and weep at its closing all the while wishing it never had to end, I know some of you must be asking yourselves why would someone rejoice in abstaining and sacrificing one's own comfort but fasting gives you a reality check and puts you in touch with what is really important in life.

Post to come...

Acts of worship in Ramadan

Quran on Fasting

Hadith on Fasting

Night of Decree

Brief History of Quran

Driving Rampage

2008-08-20T21:14:00.004+03:00

I was watching a show on Saudi Channel 2 called, "Mishmash" which is a show that has discussions on reliant topics to the society. The topic yesterday was: "Are boy and girls raised the same and are they punished the same when they get into trouble". Of course during the discussion the issue of brothers having to drive their sisters around came up. The boys were of the opinion that girls were treated like little princesses that have way too much freedom. The girls thought that the boys had more freedom. The boy's main reason as to why they thought girls had more freedom was because they had to rearrange their schedule's and live their lives around their sisters wants in order to drive them here or there. But the thing that was never mentioned was that it is not women's faults that we can’t drive ourselves around many women given the opportunity would like to drive themselves around. So what do the men expect us to do if we are not allowed ? Should we then sit at home and not go out ever or only when it is convenient for them. If men don’t like being the chauffeur for the women in their lives then why is it that most men disagree with women driving in Saudi Arabia? So that leaves us in a pickle and the result is that most women struggle to get things done and to get where they need to go.

I will now speak from personal experience as I have the most trouble getting around compared to most of my friends. My bathroom light burnt out about a week or so ago and I have been using a candle to do my business at night for all that time. I have of course in that time reminder hubby to go to the store and by light bulbs to fix the lights in the bathroom. He forgets or becomes too busy or is distracted by something else. So I will hound and hound until it gets done but why should I have to do that when I am able to go out and do it myself and can take the burden off of his shoulders and I would not be pissing by candle light. Don’t let me get started on the door handle to the bathroom that has been broken even longer and he tells me all the time to be careful because he is afraid I will get locked in. I tell him why don’t you go buy a new handle and fix it. I guess he must not be too worried…lol I mean it gets down right stupid when you have to schedule an appointment to go grocery shopping or to get to the pharmacy or the doctor for that matter. It gets even worse when you want to get together with friends because trying to get a time when all the different husbands are free to drop us is a headache and a half.

And this is what I usually look like after dealing with the dilema of getting where I need to do...

Henna

2008-08-20T18:58:00.000+03:00

So, just recently I went to a local salon to get henna done for the heck of it as I have only had it done twice before and I think that it is a fun thing to do. Even before I went to the saloon I started looking up pictures on the Internet to help me choose a design. My friend and I went to the saloon and communication was kinda hard as my Arabic is limited but we managed. I showed the hennaist (is that a word) the design I wanted and we are off and away. She is about half way through my first hand when my friend asked her if there is gas in the henna...and picture me sitting there mouth hanging open and eyes wide going what?? The lady says yes of course there is gas in the henna. Why, I ask her. She says it is cheap and makes the henna develop faster. I couldn't believe it. Then as she was finishing up my second hand my computer dies and I don't have my charger. Now she was able to finish my hand but she didn't get a good look at the design I wanted for my feet so I told her to do her thing but I'll be honest I didn't like it as much as the one I wanted it was the coolest design and I liked it even more then I did the one I chose for my hands.After we are finished my friend pulls down my face veil and helps me put my glasses back on as I try to slip on my shoes as gingerly as possible. My veil is crooked and my white henna clad hands and feet bring a lot of stares as I manage to get down the stairs and on the street which happens to be in the middle of a busy market. I stand on the street corner waiting for my hubby feeling really funny as there are two men near by who are so rudely staring at me. Then my phone rings I can tell by the ring tone that it is my hubby and I think to myself how am I going to unzip my purse and dig out my phone with out mucking up my henna. I manage and husband says he is on the street but traffic is moving slowly, I tell him to hurry as I'm creating a scene. At last I get in the car at which point I notice all the henna had rubbed off of my feet. Then we get home and removing my veil was a sight to see and then the urge hits me...I gotta pee but how will I mange that as I am not suppose to get my hands wet for at least 12 hours if I want my henna to change from an horrible orange color to a deeper darker redish brownish color. In the end I decided that it would be so much easier to learn how to do henna myself and do it in the comfort of my own home and hey if I get good enough maybe my friend can benefit from my new hobby. Any one with some henna do it yourself advice would be welcomed!

Beware! Only at your own risk…

2008-08-10T00:23:00.001+03:00

Should you ride with a nearly 18 year old boy (emphasis on boy).

Because women can't drive in this country we are left to the mercy of male drivers and most of the men here drive like they are king of the road. The saying, last time I checked goes king of the castle not road.

Now that I'm working I ride with my step-son as we car pool to 4 different places. I thought that my step-son being legally able to drive would be a good thing that would enrich my life but all that it has done is make me a nervous wreck in the mornings and late afternoons.

I tried, at first to play it cool and not to say anything, but he is not just a bad driver, that I could handle but he is careless, reckless, fast and just plain dangerous to himself, me and any one else not so lucky to be on the road with him. And on top of it all he has no driving manners and drives very offensively and it embarrasses me to be in the car with him at times.

Now, his sisters and I have complained to his father countless times, so much in fact that hubby doesn't want to hear it any more because he has punished him, taken the car away from him and tried countless other techniques to change his driving habits but he doesn't seem to learn. I hate to say it but I think he will only learn the hard way and maybe then the lesson will sink in. I just hope I'm not in the car when it happens.

Due to this experience I have asked myself if I was that bad of a driver when I first started driving. I know that I made my mom nervous but I keep asking myself was I that dangerous. I mean I did manage to hit a parked car, hospital, drive up window sign all while learning to drive and after obtaining my license rear ended a guy. However, was I truly dangerous?

Vacation

2007-12-16T21:52:00.000+03:00

I was so looking forward to the next two weeks off for Eid vacation. I have been so over worked that for the first few days of vacation I just vegged out and did nothing.

I finally broke down and bought the 7th Harry Potter book and read it. I must say I am glad to have an ending because it was the not knowing have no finality that was killing me but i must admit that the book wasn't as good as it was hyped up to be and the series kinda ended with out a bang. Don't get me wrong it was good and I am sure I will read it again down the road but I was expecting more of a pop I guess. I also came across the 5th harry potter movie and I bought it but was greatly disappointed with it. Now to me the book is always better but i just hate it when they don't stick to the facts of the book. I know they cant include every thing but at least don't go changing things around and adding things that aren't' even in the book.

Other then that I've been planning a dinner .party It is going to be Italian night because another friend had been talking about doing a dinner part with an Italian theme but hasn't gotten around to it so i was telling her that i have a great recipe for Alfredo sauce and if she wanted i would give it too her and then she says well why don't you just host the Italian night so that was how i got suckered in to hosting the dame thing. It should be nice thought to have a good cooked meal for a change.

I have been wanting to post about these Fair an lovely commercials that they advertise so that is the next post you Ala can look forward to.

Game of tag anyone?

2007-11-22T08:07:00.000+03:00

It took more thinking and effort then one would like but saudi stepford wife tagged me so here it goes.
Here's the rules:
1. Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. My obsession with anything and everything sunflowers. If it has sunflowers on it then I have to buy it even if I have one already or don't need it as soon as sunflowers get involved you better believe I will buy it.

2. I hate talking on the phone and will only talk with certain people if you are not one of those certain few chances are I will do what ever it takes to get off the phone with you. I am also bad at calling other people just don't like so just won’t do it.

3. I'm constantly picking at my finger nail and cuticles it is very much an unconscious habit most of the time it must be hereditary as my mom does the same thing.

4. I like to twist the corner of my pillow between my thumb and index finger and have done so since I was a little girl. At first it was just my pillow but now I will twist just about anything. Last night in the car while discussing my 7 facts with my hubby I found myself twisting Kleenex. Again it is some times an unconscious habit. I would love to find out what these unconscious habits say about my mental health.

5. I am a sucker for and will often cry at a good love story.

6. I can't stand fake people and could never ever be fake and pride myself on my ability to keep it real.

7. Don't like to go any where with out my face on, as my mother always said. I at least have to have foundation and lipstick on before I will go any where.

I tag:
Safa Naeem Hayati Unique Jacque Amy CariMuslima

Working

2007-11-01T15:17:00.000+03:00

My desire to blog and even to come up with interesting topics to blog about has gone way done and it is due to the fact that I have been eating, sleeping and breathing everything to do with lesson plans, teaching aids and did I make the photo copies of the homework worksheets. Am I prepared for tomorrows lessons, did I print the flashcards and remember to send notes home to all their parents about the spelling bee. If that is not enough I am consumed about how to fix the seating arrangement to better suit my students or trying to think of ways to handle some of the students behavioral problems. I don't even have time for my own husband and often go to bed before he gets home at night and forget getting any real house work or cooking of any kind (not that I cooked a whole lot before this job...lol) done during the week. My weekends are spend relaxing from constantly being on the move the rest of the week of getting any shopping or errands ran that didn't get done during the week.

Even though I enjoy teaching and like my new job it is so much more demanding than I thought it would be so please keep watching out for my posts as I get settled in the new job and I get a routine down and hopefully have more time to do things besides work.

Back to Work

2007-10-20T05:56:00.000+03:00

It seems like only yesterday I was telling my husband that I would never work at another private school again for all the money in the world. However due to a lack of opportunities and me not wanting to stay at home and go crazy...I have reentered the work force so to speak and today is my first day...so please wish me luck and pray for me!

Brain Gender

2007-10-19T00:20:00.000+03:00

Your Brain is 73% Female, 27% Male

Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Gifts from Mecca

2007-10-18T23:20:00.000+03:00

It has become a tradition for me to buy friends and family members gifts when ever I go to Mecca. This happens at least once a year but I'm not a very good gift giver and always struggle with what to buy. This year was extremely hard as I felt I had exhausted every gift giving idea from the precious years. I was still struggling after cutting down the list of people I would by for this year.

The children on my list were finish however some one, who will remain nameless, was still left and I was finding it difficult to pick out a gift for SSW (oops…so much for remaining nameless}.Since I've gone and given it away I must say that Daisy is just so different and on a few shopping trips we discovered that our taste in just about everything is very different. So I spent days racking my brain about what to get her and nothing seemed to fit. Even after all my other gifts had been purchased I was still not clear on what I was going to get her and it was driving me nuts.

So one afternoon as I was pondering what to get her I happened to look over and admire a bag that I had bought for myself a week earlier. It is one of those bags that Saudis use to carry their thermoses and snacks in when they picnic or travel.

It is this year's new style and then it dawned on me that it would be so funny if an American woman gave another American woman a very Hasawi gift. So daisy I add….

You know you're a Hasawia when…

You buy your friend a carrying case for all their coffee, tea and seeds as a gift.

If any of you knew me you may have guessed that I have a bag obsession. I have a bag for everything. My laptop has more then one and my MP3 player and hard disk even have there own carrying cases. I have a makeup bag, pedi and mani bag, not to mention of course purses and wallets as well as several carrying cases for my tea and coffee (this may be one of the reasons why my step son calls me an American-Hasawia).

Our Trip to Mecca-part three

2007-10-11T04:27:00.000+03:00

Only in Mecca can you feel so aw inspired and worship at the Kaba and be assaulted, harassed, followed or even ripped off. I can speak from experience as I have been lucky enough to have experienced them all thank God not all in one trip. In general I feel completely safe in Saudi and at home have often walked alone at night to the store and am often a bit careless with my belongings.

However all that changes when we get to Mecca. I care only the money I intend to spend and my cell phone in a small purse that may or may not be worn around my neck under my abaya. The amount of professional pick pockets around here is astonishing. However my latest encounter was more invasive and terrifying.

I was out walking around a new shopping center that has opened up with my step daughter. We left and parted ways as our hotel rooms are in the opposite direction and on my way back I stopped at a few of the small stores that lined my street. As I was looking at some house dresses, thinking about buying some for my mom, I notice a man being kind of loud with the clerk. I pay it no mind and continue on. I get to the lobby and head strait for the elevator as I'm waiting for the elevator 2 men approach also waiting for the elevator. It comes and since I was there first I intended to take it {you see a man and a woman who are not related shouldn't be alone together as the prophet Muhammad said, "When a man and woman are alone Satan is the third." So usually the woman will go unaccompanied unless she is with other women} since I was alone I naturally assumed the two men would wait for the next elevator. So, I get on and push my floor and at the last minute one of the men jumps in the elevator and the doors close and I freeze thinking this is not right. Now mind you this elevator is small and so I back myself as far in to the corner as I can get. And next thing I know he is talking to me in Arabic and the only thing I can make out is gift. Then he begins thrusting this bag at me telling me to take a gift. I ignore him; he becomes a little more persistent so I firmly say, "la" {no} and pray that the dam elevator will move faster. He then begins to push buttons and I get nervous as I start to think that this man might not even stay in this hotel and that it is very possible that he followed me from the street and might have been that obnoxious man I noticed in the street. When the doors opened I flew off that elevator like my butt was on fire and locked myself in my room.

This being a working vacation for my husband I was often alone in the room and so I was kinda freaked out about leaving my room. Thankfully the rest of our trip was creep free!

Coming soon...Gifts from Mecca

Dreams

2007-10-07T19:37:00.000+03:00

Lately, I've been contemplating something, that I've learned, transcends nationality, race, religion, culture and language and it’s the concept of hopes and dreams. No matter where we where born, what religion we practice or language we speech we generally all have the same hopes, dreams and even fears.

I found myself in a strange mood yesterday with no apparent cause or reason. It was a mixture of reminiscing different parts of my life and wondering where my dreams went. I am not sure how, why or even where it came from but I've always believed in the idea that you can be or do what ever you set your mind to. And because of this belief and never felt any door closed to me and allowed myself to think big. We all have dreams and they grow and chance as we grow and change. We may even have a few unrealistic dreams as we grow but in the back of our minds we know that for what ever reason, even though they are unrealistic, we still have the chance or the opportunity and I think in part this allows us to dream big.

I can't explain it but growing up I always new I would go to college, get an education and have a career. I just always felt I needed a purpose that I needed to do something important in my life. I needed to do something that was greater then myself. I carried this need for purpose with me when I moved to Saudi and it lasted a while but sadly it has diminished to the point where I need to wonder where my dreams went.

My work as an English teacher has connected me to the coming generation of Saudis and as part of one of my stock lessons I often like to ask the students what their dreams are and what they hope for the future. It was an eye opener for me as not many of the girls had big dreams. Most of them simply wanted to finish their educations. Now don't get me wrong that is an important dream but it seemed to me to lack any kind of passion plus that was the only dream most of them had. There were no hopes of traveling the world, swimming with dolphins, discovering a new culture, learning to dance, or anything else that they may or may not achieve. Even in the area of school and career they had no big dreams. I mean I know that I have wanted to be a great may things in life and still can't narrow down what that is exactly. I know I would be good at many things. Let me see, I've wanted to be a doctor, social worker, journalist, computer wizard, sociologist, web designer, business woman, dancer, singer, and so many more.

I now know that the limits here which are worse for me due to the cultural and language barriers crush a persons hope and dreams because the limits are sometimes too many to get around while others are simply impossible.

How ever that is not going to be my fate I am going to rediscover what I want out of life and I am going to find a way around the limitation that hinder or stop me and I WILL NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER!!

I would love it if my readers would help me in this quest of mine by sending in your hopes and dreams.

Our Trip to Mecca-part two

2007-10-01T19:24:00.000+03:00

No vacancy was the response my husband got as her toured around Mecca looking for a hotel room that would accommodate our large family.

After an hour and a half in the hot sun he finally found a hotel room but it was small and we could only have it for 2 days so hubby is still looking around and our family is not even all here and we still can't find a place that will suit us all. Some want big, others want something fancy and comfortable, yet others want to be close to the Haram. So trying to satisfy everyone is impossible and someone is going to have a bunch in their panty hose.

Now because of the many different family members there is the issue of who will be staying with whom as we may not be able to get a big full size apartment but instead smaller hotel rooms. Let the fighting begin over who gets what room, bed and who will sleep with whom.

Well a lot less fighting then I had imagined but that maybe due to that fact that I am alone in a hotel room and every one else is staying in another hotel. In some ways I got the better end of the deal as I am just a hop away from the masjid but the price for that is having to be alone and feeling left out but I guess I should be used to that by now.

More to come… InshaAllah {God Willing}

Out Trip to Mecca-part one

2007-09-24T14:43:00.000+03:00

Our trip to Mecca starts out in a bus as we are a large group and the bus is just the most economical and logical way to get us all there. Now usually the bus is over crowed but because it is later in the summer the bus is nearly empty and all my family members have two seats to themselves which is a blessing as it is nearly 14 hours we'll have to suffer on the bus.

Now as unpleasant as the bus is, the bath rooms are ten times worse. So I cut back on the liquids and pray that I can hold it all in and pee as little as I possibly can. Oh no look out cause now I am going to go off on a tangent about the women's bathrooms. As Muslims, cleanliness is a huge part of our religion and that cleanliness requires us to wash before every prayer 5 times a day. Now keeping that in mind, you would never know it by looking at any public restroom. I have been told the men's bathrooms are much better, but can't speak from personally experience; however I should venture in one day to see. {watch out mens here I come a peaking} You can find every fifthly thing in the world in a woman's public rest room. I have seen a toilet full of coach roaches, diapers, feminine napkins , I have even seem a bowl movement plopped next to a toilet instead of inside it. And of course everything is not working as it should and the floor is usually flooded with the yuckiest water you have ever witnessed in your life. Not to mention the smell (ops just did).

{This is a clean version of the typical public bathroom}

So I cut back on the liquids and in fact only used the restroom once in 14 hours but the problem is that I'm now dehydrated which usually wouldn't be a problem and could be remedied by mass consumption of water for the next few days however I proceeded to make Ummrah and sweat in places I didn't know were possible. And this was around Fajr prayer which is the coolest and usually lest crowded time of day. I consumed mass amounts of Zam Zam water while I was making Ummrah and still my hands and feet started to swell so badly that I couldn't even make a fist. So, I drink and I drink knowing that I wasn't keeping any of the water in my body long enough to be worried about having to pee. I finish Ummrah and am so ready to get back to the hotel and shower and relax but then stupid me I exited the masjid through the wrong door and have no small walk to get back on course, as any of you who have been here know, if you get turned around in the masjid you could end up walking to Timbuktu and back before you find your way and it is so easy to get confused and turned around because the entire masjid looks the same. So just as I exit and am trying to figure out which direction my hotel is when all of a sudden it hits me…..yep you guessed it…I gotta pee. I say ok I can hold it I mean I am pretty good at that. So I continue to walk still not sure if I am going in the right direction and then it starts to get worse but there is hope as I now know where I am and am in fact not too far from our hotel. I keep on trucken. But it keeps building and intensives to the point where I start to think that I might pee my pants. So with all of my might I try to contain the flood that wants to break lose. Then sweet salvation our hotel is in sight and I am sure I can make it but as I was standing in front of the elevators waiting for what seemed like an eternity a new urgency washes over me and I can't contain it any more and need to do the all to famous pee pee dance {don't laugh you all know what I'm talking about and you all have done it at least once in your lifes} Thank God the hotel lobby was deserted or else they would have had a hell of a good chuckle at my expense. Then I get in the elevator and think on no I hope no one is home because if I come in and they all see that I have wet myself I will never be able to look them in the face again. So I tear into the room and immediately begin the shedding of my abaya regardless of who is home and enter the bathroom and oh the sweet release. And all I remember is that I was so thankful to God that I was able to avoid a potentially embarrassing situation.

No you may be thinking why does it take 14 hours to drive to Mecca well the answer is that with a bus full of people every time we stop every one gets off and it ends up taking an entire hour to round them all back on the bus. And of course we have to stop for nearly 2 hours to eat chicken and rice in some dive of a road side restaurant whose food is more grease then anything else.

However all of that is forgotten when you pull into the Miqat and start to get the feeling that one has when nearing the holy city of Mecca…

More to come …InshAllah {God willing}

Ramadan

2007-09-13T10:36:00.000+03:00

Alhumdolillah, Ramadan is upon us again~!
I pray that we all are able to make the most of this wonderful mercy from God. I thought it would be nice to share with you all, some of my favorite hadith about Ramadan and fasting as well as some verses from the Quran.

O you who believe! Observing the fast is prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, that you may become Al-Muttaqûn (the pious ).Observe fasting for a fixed number of days, but if any of you is ill or on a journey, the same number (should be made up) from other days. And as for those who can fast with difficulty, (e.g. an old man, etc.), they have (a choice either to fast or) to feed a Miskin (poor person) (for every day). But whoever does good of his own accord, it is better for him. And that you fast, it is better for you if only you know. The month of Ramadan in which was revealed the Quran, a guidance for mankind and clear proofs for the guidance and the criterion (between right and wrong). So whoever of you sights (the crescent on the first night of) the month (of Ramadan i.e. is present at his home), he must observe fasting that month, and whoever is ill or on a journey, the same number of days which one did not observe fasting must be made up from other days. God intends for you ease, and He does not want to make things difficult for you. (He wants that you) must complete the same number (of days), and that you must magnify God [i.e. to say Takbîr (Allâhu-Akbar; God is the Most Great) on seeing the crescent of the months of Ramadan and Shawwal] for having guided you so that you may be grateful to Him. "{Quran 2:183-185}

The Prophet said, "When the month of Ramadan starts, the gates of the heaven are opened and the gates of Hell are closed and the devils are chained." {Bukhari}

"The Prophet said: "God said, 'All the deeds of Adam's sons {mankind} are for them, except fasting which is for me, and I will give rewards for it.'" {Bukhari}

"There is a gate in Paradise called Ar-Raiyan, and those who observe fasts will enter through it on the Day of Resurrection and none except them will enter through it. It will be said, 'Where are those who used to observe fasts?' They will get up, and none except them will enter through it. After their entry the gate will be closed and nobody will enter through it." {Bukhari}

"The pages of Abraham were reveled on the first night of Ramadan. The Old Testament was revealed during the 6th night of Ramadan. The New Testament was revealed on the 13th nigh of Ramadan. God revealed the Quran on the 24th night of Ramadan." {Ahmed}

"Verily! We have sent it (this Quran) down in the night of Decree. And what will make you know what the night of Decree is? The night of Decree is better than a thousand months (i.e. worshipping God in that night is better than worshipping Him a thousand months, i.e. 83 years and 4 months). Therein descend the angels and the Rûh (Gabriel) by God's Permission with all Decrees, Peace! (All that night, there is Peace and Goodness from God to His believing slaves) until the appearance of dawn." (Quran 97:1-5)

The Prophet said, "Whoever established prayers on the night of Decree out of sincere faith and hoping for a reward from Allah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven; and whoever fasts in the month of Ramadan out of sincere faith, and hoping for a reward from Allah, then all his previous sins will be forgiven." {Bukhari}

Ibn Abbas and others have said, "God sent down the Quran all at one time from the Preserved Tablet (Al-Lawh Al-Mahfuz) to the House of Might (Baytul-Izzah), which is in the heaven of this world. Then it came down in parts to the Messenger of God that continued over a period of 23 years."

May we all be increased in knowledge and faith. May God accept out fasting and good deeds. May we all come together as a community and truly want for our brothers what we want for ourselves...ameen!

Greetings From Mecca

2007-09-02T06:25:00.000+03:00

I am back in action due to the fact that we found a cozy coffee shop in the lobby of a hotel that has internet access. I am back in the world again, Thank God!

The Holy land of Mecca, big yet so small, is a place where you can find every nationality humbling themselves to God. It is amazing how the masjid was established in such a rocky mountainous area and yet even more amazing was how anyone ever survived in such a place 1400 years ago. Though I must admit the weather is much nicer here then in Al-Hassa at least here when the wind blows it carries a cool breeze but in Al-Hassa when the wind blows it blows fire.

As anyone who has been to Mecca will tell you the feeling upon arriving here and staying here is one of a kind and very difficult to put in to words. This feeling usually starts for me when we arrive at the Miqat in Tiaf to Wear Ihram and make the intention to make Ummrah. As we recite the Supplication and make our way though the mountains of Tiaf it hits me or sort of washes over me and normal brings me to tears. They are tears of regret at any sins I may have committed, joy and thankfulness that I have been blessed to spend time here and hopeful that the future will be better. This time the wash that normal comes overtook me while I was making Tawaf {circling the Kaba}. How awe inspiring to be in a place that has seen so much history and greatness. I think my next post should be on the history of Mecca and the Kaba.

Another amazing thing about Mecca is the well of Zamzam. This well of water has been flowing since the time of Abraham and continues in abundance. No where else in the world do you find people from every part of the world carrying this special Blessing from God back home with them. Zamzam truly isn't like any other water and you can tell strait away from the taste. As for me, when I drink this blessed water, to put it politely, it runith through me. However my husband can drink and drink and not have to pee which is weird since normally I am the one with a bladder of steal. I don't know what it is about the water but I like to look at it as internal cleaning or maybe it is kinda like an oil change.

On another side of things Starbuck has finally arrived in Mecca. I always thought it strange that it hadn't happened sooner due to the massive amounts of foreigners that you find here all year round. Now if you new me you would know what a coffee fend I am and how much I love to drink coffee. So this is really a dream come true and it is no surprise sense I come from Spokane which is just a hop, skip and a jump away from Seattle the home of coffee and Starbucks itself. Some days I just can't get it in fast enough and I get the worst headache in the world if I miss my daily dose it is so bad sometimes that I swear my head will explode. I want to share with you all what I look like on a day that I don't get my coffee.

I'VE GOTTA HAVE THAT COFFEE!!!

To God's house we go

2007-08-02T23:52:00.000+03:00

I don't know if it is just my hubby or if all Saudis are like this but I was told today that we are going to Mecca for a month and we are leaving tomorrow after noon. Now, the original plan was that he was going to go ahead and I would join him 10 days later but nothing is final until the last minute and this drives me nuts. I am defiantly a planner and organizer and if i can't plan and organize I go insane and feel like I've forgotten something.

I had spent all day preparing for my step daughter to come and stay with me for the 10 days and had just finished all those chores when my husband hit me with the nice little surprise of a change of plans. So no rest for me I must now prepare myself for a month long vacation and as many of you know that is no easy feat to accomplice in such a short time.

So, my blog will be quite as we may not have Internet access while in Mecca.

So They Won't Let Women Drive

2007-08-02T06:06:00.000+03:00

I had to put in my own 2 cents after reading this article in the Saudi Gazette.

Two questions came to my mind, do I agree that driving in Saudi is really that bad and if so should that be a reason why women shouldn't drive.

I'm an American Muslim and hate that I can't drive here but even if they allow women to drive sometime in the near future I might not jump at the chance to get behind the wheel, even though it would bring a certain amount of joy and some freedom. You see Saudis really don't follow any traffic rules at all and if I remember correctly have one of the worst accident rates. So, add all of these things together plus young boys with nothing better to do then drive fast and reckless and indulge in challenging each other to races and that equals me driving here...hmmm let me thing about that...HELL NO~!

However I don't think this shouldn't have any bearings on whether women should be allowed to drive or not. Each women should have the right to choose for themselves. The issue of driving is so complex and has many, many sides that need to be discussed openly and worked out but this one single issue should not stop an open dialog on the subject.

What I do think it should do though is prompt the government to do more to insure traffic safety in the kingdom. I mean it seems to me that there are traffic rules but the police do very little to enforce them and there seems to be little or no consequences for breaking them. With reckless driving , racing and underage drivers you have bad accidents happening more then they should.

Another step that would help eliminate traffic incidents is a bigger effort in providing youth with other activities besides hot roding.

What?

2007-07-31T18:14:00.000+03:00

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

I got this from an e-mail and thought that it hit the nail on the head. I often get frustrated from always having to repeat myself. Not only do I feel frustrated but I feel like most of what I say is not important to my husband.

Now, I know that women talk more and chatter on about stuff that may seem insignificant to a man but it seems to me if they listened the first time around they would avoid much complaint and it really does seem to me to be a simple thing to do to make us women folk feel important and to keep us happy.

I would really like a man perspective on this issue as I am curious about the reasons they tune us out sometimes.

What Kind of American English do you speak?

2007-07-20T04:20:00.000+03:00

I was reading Intuitive Muslimah's blog and thought this was interesting.

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

20% Upper Midwestern

5% Midwestern

0% Dixie

0% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Stare Much

2007-07-20T03:15:00.000+03:00

I often find myself thinking that most Saudi mothers have not done a stellar job in teaching their children not to stare. However this could be due to cultural difference but I still find myself wanting to tell people, "Take a picture why don't you? It'll last longer." Of course I say this while my hands are on my hips and then proceed to roll my eyes and walk off.

I will never forget how nervous I was in public when we first moved here, with good reasons, for one I'm naturally clumsy and add to that an over the head Abaya, plus I don't speak Arabic and was petrified someone would either speak to me or about me and I wouldn't be able to reply or understand. There is a certain style of abayas that most Saudi women wear and the styles which mostly expatriates were. I've seen the way some expatriates are treat due to being recognizable in their abayas, hence my decision to blend in, which I do quite well, until I must open my big American mouth. Despite all my efforts to blend in people were still staring at me and I couldn’t figure it out. So, I asked my husband one day, "Do I look funny?" To which he replies, "No, why?" Then I ask, "Do I wear my abaya funny?" Again he replies, "no, why? {With a quizzical look, as he ponders where I'm going with this}" I explain that when ever we go out men and women alike stare at my and I can't figure out why. I shrug it off not knowing it could get worse.

The nucleus of Arab families are usually the mother however my husbands mother passed away before we where married. So, the matriarch is now his aunt that lived with him growing up. Needless to say I needed to meet her and make a good impression on her. She was the first member of my new family that I met. I was extremely nervous about this meeting and was still new here and not knowing what to expect. She wanted to bring all her daughters and son's wives to this first meeting but my husband, knowing me although as I look back on it now maybe it was more pity then knowing me, persuaded her that it would be best if it was just us three.

dun, dun, dun dun…..We enter the house, I seat and uncover myself and wait for her to come to the sitting room. She enters, greets us both and sits down right next to me. She calls for tea and Arabic coffee to be served. My husband tells me she has recently broken her hip, plus she is older, so I should serve them the tea and coffee. Ok, my mouth goes dry and my butterflies turn in to elephants. I was nervous to begin with for many reasons {not knowing the language, different cultures and making a good impression} now add to that, the pressure of serving them knowing she is watching ever move I make. Again didn't think it could get much worse. Oh but I assure you it does.

So, after everyone as been served I retake my uncomfortably close seat next to her and my husband translates some small talk, all the while I feel her burning a hole in me and am thinking to myself is this normal or do I have a booger in my nose or something in my teeth. Of course this makes me more nervous. And any of you who have read other blog posts know my genetically disposition is to be a klutzes, so add nerves and pressure to that and you have a potentially embarrassing situation. Thank God we didn't stay long and I was able to keep my klutziness to myself.

When we get in the car I become a wasted limp noodle turn to my husband and ask what was up with your aunt? I mean come on stare much? He chuckles and explains that she doesn't see well for one and she has a gaggle of women to report to and they are going to want to know every detail about the strange American woman.

I've got this other American friend who is …well let me just say it….. pasty white. I'm on the fair side myself but because of my features often get mistaken for a woman of Middle Eastern descent. Sometimes this friend and I go out shopping and there is this one mall in particular that we like to go to because it has a/c and a private section for women to sit, drink coffee or get something to eat.

So, we sit down at a table, lift our veils to expose our faces to chat, eat and sip our coffee. right a way we get the stares. And they are ghetto about it. I mean back home if you catch someone staring, making eye contact will usually put an end to the staring {there mothers taught them right} but here, oh no even if you make eye contact or give any subtle signs that you caught them staring they only stare harder and may even giggle or at the least point you out to their friends.

Have I mentioned… I HATE IT WHEN POEPLE STARE!!!!

I've lived here long enough so you'd think I would be used to it by now, but no, it still gets me all tangled up in my underwear.

A Home Cooked Meal

2007-07-12T01:28:00.000+03:00

I don’t know when or why it started but making tacos was and still is a tradition in my house. It is then no big surprise that it is my favorite meal of all times and has been for a long time. It takes on a whole new meaning now that I am so far a way from home and my mom's cooking. I make the tacos for my family but the ingredients are hard to come by due to the fact that we life in a village that has limited resources.

A fellow blogger Saudi Stepford Wife recently did a blog about the food we Americans living in Saudi covet it is called Booty Food

So for me, eating tacos is more then eating one of my favorite meals, it reminds me of home and my mom. It brings my family, culture and country to my dinner table and makes the homesickness a little bit less.

This prompted me to ask my husband if he ahs ever been home sick, as he doesn’t understand why tacos can induce use a euphoric state. He told me he got really homesick during all of his stays in America. However his homesickness manifested itself as a lack of appetite. This is strange to me because if you are so far from home and you come upon a chance to eat familiar food but pass it up…you gotta be crazy. Let me tell you …me…pass up food…I must be dieing.

So for this homesick girl home is where my stomach is~!

The Prophet of Mercy

2007-06-30T00:36:00.000+03:00

I was told about a website dedicated to the prophet Muhammad and was keen to take a look.

It is a nice site with much detail but the thing that caught my eye was the competitions that the web site is hosting.

The Prophet Muhammad essay competition

The Prophet Muhammad Flash Design competition

So go check out the competitions or just look around the web site for some detailed information about prophet Muhammad.

Men are from mars...

2007-06-02T05:18:00.000+03:00

It always seems that the topic of women's rights, gender roles, and women in general are hot topics. I've always thought that it is much easier to be a man then it is to be a woman. For example when traveling a man really has no real need for a bathroom…they can whip it out pretty much any where and to be hones it is less of a messy hassle. Plus as a woman we have so much more then peeing sitting down to worry about and things seem so much simpler for men.

Even with my view that being a man is easier I wouldn’t ever want to be a man…you couldn't pay me enough. I'm sure there are some women out there that would love to switch roles but none {that I know that is} would actual want to be one. A friend of mine actual thinks that women are the more evolved species and in order for a man to be considered more evolved he usually has some feminine traits.

I know that women are more emotional but with that emotion comes compassion, empathy, patients, nurturing and selflessness. With out that can you imagine the state of the world? I will never understand mans need to control, dominate and concur others.

This thought prompted me to ask my husband if he would ever want to be a woman and the response was comical in a way. He replied that no he would never want to be a woman. And of course I asked him why? He told me he wouldn't want to have a period or give birth. He also said he wouldn't want someone controlling him. Like a father husband or brother. The one thing he would like to experience though was being a mother. Leave it to a man to want to be a mom without giving birth. I thought this little conversation to be insightful in so many ways.

As I continued to think about his answers I asked him what he thought where the major difference between women and men? He replied that our emotions tend to go up and down quickly and that we where less rational at times because of it. He then proceeds to tell me women are more selfish them men and I told him to give me some examples because I disagree. He said women tend to sacrifice things because they have no choice and that men have a choice and still chose to sacrifice. Well that gave me a big laugh. I told him that women are the most selfless because we often sacrifice a lot for the good of our husbands, children, family and friends. I don't think that we do it because we have no choice but because we want those around us to be happy. I remember having to fight with my mom to get her to buy a new pair of jeans for herself. She was always putting herself last. And most women that I know tend to do the same thing.

Our conversation was cut short so my hubby was unable to enlighten me with more of his ideas on the subject.

I wonder do any women out there feel understood by a man. I don’t just mean a little but truly and deeply understood like a woman would understand you. It seems to me, as a woman, that there are things about men that I will never understand. I never feel quite as understood by a man as I do a woman.

So, let's here what you all think.

Would you want to be the opposite sex?

What do you think the differences are between men and women?

Do you think the opposite sex can understand you like the same sex can?

Only words

2007-05-16T05:16:00.000+03:00

SSW tagged me… so, here are the words or phrases I think I use the most.

Do you know/did you know or you know…I start a lot of sentences with one of them.

Really…I use this mostly when some one tell me something I didn't know.

Friend: I got a new job.

Me: Really…that's great~!

What’s new?...This is my way of asking about other peoples day.

Whatever…this one drives my mom nuts.

Anyways….used to change the subject.

Now I tag:

Jacque

Habibi

Handwriting

2007-05-03T04:51:00.000+03:00

I was tagged by ssw...

I don't know what my handwriting says about me but maybe someone can give me some insight.

I tag:

Jacque

Habibi

Umm Khalid

Desert Flower's Ten things I want others to know about my life.

2007-05-02T04:41:00.000+03:00

Ten things I want others to know about my life.

A fellow blogger had this great idea to help us better understand others who have different back grounds and live different lives. So here are my 10 things:

1. I'm a person under the veil who feels, thinks, and has a life similar to yours. I'm not oppressed so therefore don't need to be liberated. Know that this dress is my choice, it is not forced on me by my husband or any other man {let's just see a man try..lol}. I chose it because I want to obey God and protect myself from being treated like eye candy. So, please next time you see a Muslim sister be kind and try to see that just because she covers her beauty doesn't mean she still isn't a person. Maybe try to get to know her.

2. I believe that a life devoid of religion or God is not fulfilling. I spent the first 19 years of my life with no beliefs other then the materialistic ones my family taught me. Most American families lead materialistic lives and mine was no different. Money was what made the world go round and if you didn’t have it then you must not be happy. The pressure to have money and all the fancy things that you could buy with it was at the core of every aspect of my being. I guess it was around the age of 15 that I started to wonder about God and the purpose of my life. I didn't really find God until I was 19 and started learning about Islam. I call the time before I was Muslim the darkness.

"Or they're deeds are like darkness with in an unfathomable sea which is covered by waves, upon which are waves, over which are clouds. Darkness upon darkness. When one puts out his hand he can hardly see it. And to whom God has not granted light, for them there is no light." Quran 24-40

I was so unhappy and so unfulfilled and didn't understand why. I can remember times when I would cry…it was almost like I was grieving and longing at the same time. When I look back on it I know that I was longing for a relationship with God and grieving for all the years wasted. After coming to Islam I was at peace and felt…well to be honest it is indescribable. Later I found a verse in the Quran that describes it perfectly. Coming to Islam was like coming out of the dark in to the light.

"God is the light of the heavens and the earth. The example of his light is like a niche within which is a lamp, the lamp is within glass, the glass as if it were a pearly white star lit from the oil of a blessed olive tree, neither of the east nor of the west, whose oil would almost glow even if untouched by fire. Light upon light. God guides to his light whom he wills…" Quran 24:35

3. I think that my biggest fear is losing my identity and independence. I look back on earlier times and would describe myself as tenacious, feisty, spunky and sassy. I'm not really sure I am any of those things any more and seen to be conforming to what others want or expect me to be. There seems to be so many obstacles and most of the time I think it easier to give in then to fight. I'm holding on by my finder tips and praying I can get a firm hold.

4. Anything having to do with family makes me cry. I can't say that I was really close to my family before but at least I had them around and they had me. I was especially never very close to my father. So, when I see father daughter stuff I almost always burst into tears.

I always cry when I see babies or young children in pain or in need of help. When my cousins son was a baby he was very sick and had to stay in the hospital for about a month, I think it was, and one night he pulled his IV out and the nurses needed help holding him down. There we were, his mother and I, tear stained faces holding him down so they could re-insert the IV. That is a moment I will never forget.

5. Because of a recent friendship and some much needed reminiscing I've rediscovered my love of SNL and how damned funny it is. Some skits that bring me to laughter are:

Mary Katherine Gallagher

Church Lady

The Roxbury Boys

Daily affirmations with Stuart Smalley

Hans and Franz {uncle used to do an act of these two….got the home videos to prove it}

I know it is really stupid but I laughed my ass off while watching Beaves and Butthead with a friend the other night. I know what you are thinking but it was a reminder of home and reminded me of my early teen years. It was a kind of humor that is lost here. Some Saudis are funny and have a good sense of humor but they're sense of humor is so very different from that of a typical American.

I love playing with children because they really do say the darnedest things. You can never tell what will come out of there mouths and it is more then not the truth. Children don’t restrain themselves and don't worry about what is politically correct. They speak their mind and are often funny in such a refreshing way.

6. I worry that I'll never be able to go back to school and finish my education. I worry that like so many of my other goals this one will not be realized. I'm interested in so many things and have a healthy appetite for learning new things. Since moving here I feel like not much is open to me and that nothing is possible because in Saudi there are always many obstacles for women who want to achieve and even more so for me an expatriate.

I worry that my life will have no real purpose and that I will have spent it doing nothing spectacular. I have a calling and I feel it deep down inside. I've yet to find it and feel like I may never.

On an Oprah show about the secret of life they said successful people asked themselves how they could serve. So I thought about it and come up with a million different ways in which I could serve but every one of them has an obstacle that will be nearly impossible to overcome. I worry about it …of course but I know some day some how I will find it. Maybe just maybe if I hold on to that hope I will over come all the challenges that lay ahead.

7. I have a diploma in ESL and since moving to KSA have taught in a few different schools. I can't stand it when people treat me as being incompetent because I only have a diploma. I'm good at what I do and it really doesn't take a rocket scientist to teach ESL. I just want to scream sometimes because they think that they can take advantage of me because I only have a "diploma" so, I get paid less to do the same job. Plus I have an added bonus that the other teachers don't I'm a native speaker so they are getting an ESL teacher with an American accent but because they don't place too much importance on accent or speaking skills that may be why most Saudis have difficulties speaking and listening. I mean come on some of the university graduate of English can't understand me and can barely communicate with me. Although I must say this could be only in Al-Hassa as I've noticed in other cities that the level of English is better.

I have pulled my own hair out because of this next issue so much so that I don't have much hair left to pull. It is so difficult to get woman here to stand up for themselves or get them to want to change things for the better. They are all so bright and want things to be different but are so afraid to cause any ripples in the water. For example, when I was working at a private school near my house a few years ago, the teachers would complain about a few things that they wanted changed. So, one afternoon I suggested to them that we all sit down with the principle and tell her our concerns and ideas. I had gone to her many times before and she listened and even implemented a few of my ideas. Oh my God you would think that I asked them to jump off a bridge. They all refused and said that would be shameful. Another example is when I wanted to introduce theme teaching as well as phonics to the elementary levels and up date the whole department to take more of an ESL approach in the teaching. All the other teachers in the English department including the manager resisted the idea. They pretty much told me I could do what I wanted but that they would have no part in it. I just wanted to scream because their teaching methods were old and out dated and just so much room for improvement but they didn't want to rock the boat.

I was sitting around work one evening chit chatting with some of the other teachers and one of them was telling the story how her father bullied her into marriage and how she refused to leave her fathers house to be with her new husband, for 8 years this went on. At this point I ask her why she didn't go to court that according to Islamic law she had grounds for a divorce. She then proceeds to tell me her father would never give permission for that. So, of course I say go any way. She just looks at me and says then where will I go because who knows what my father will do to me. I know it’s hard and you are basically choosing between two evils but if you stand up now you will change things for those behind you and make it easier for them. I've tried to do my part but you can't help those who don't want it. Although I am a propionate of change I don't support change that is immoral or goes against Islam in anyway.

Another thing that gets me steamed is how hard it is to get Saudis to see that something needs to be changed. Most of the time when you point stuff out to them there response is {addy addy} which means normal. Why are they so afraid to challenge the status quo? I'll tell you some of the reason is because they are way too afraid of what others will think of them. The stigma of taking a stand is so strong that no one dare do, say or think something that is not in-line with the norm. This is rooted so deeply that culture or what is accepted as normal even supersedes religion with some people.

8. I want people to know despite me accepting Islam , moving to Saudi and wearing the veil I'm still the same person I was before even though some of it laid dormant for awhile because of lack of stimulation I'm still the daughter, sister and friend I always was and have been. I also want everyone to know that I didn't reject my family, culture or country when I became a Muslim. I want you all to see the courage that it took for me and others like me to make this decision. I will never understand why it was ok for me to date, smoke, drink, lie, steal, cheat, and just about anything else you can think of but becoming Muslim, seeing things from a different point of view and thinking for myself to create a better life makes me strange to others. My faith hasn't changed me it's just given me the support and willingness to be a better me.

9. I want the world to really see the Saudi people with out their preconceived notions. I want them to see that Saudi's just like everyone else in the world want what we all want to live, pursue dreams, fall in love, raise successful children, obtain an education, and just about anything else you can think of.

Every country has its troubles but every country is also made up of people just trying to live out their lives as best they can. Don't just look at the county look at the people that live there and get to know what their dreams are and what kind of people they want to be.

We don't have to feel threatened by people who are different. We should however embrace others with an open mind with out making judgments. This notion that America's way is the best way and that American culture should be exported to other countries is unrealistic. We don't all have to be the same or even agree with each other but we all have to be tolerant of that which is different. I chose to see the good in all people some have called me naive. I just shrugged and thought if others see me as naive then so be it.

10. I have been told that I'm not the most diplomatic person in the world. I've also been told that I'm rough and have of late started referring to myself as a porcupine. I have always had a difficult time making friends and some people can't handle my need to be real.

I say it like it is and that rubs people the wrong way sometimes. I've actually prided myself on this ability as I can't abide fake people and my realness seems to keep them away. I 'm firm in my beliefs, sincere in all that I say or do, I'm willing to help anyone out, confident, truthful and if you have food in your teeth I'll tell you. So, those of you who I've rubbed the wrong way you are missing out on a loyal friend.

10 Things I want You To Know About My Life.

2007-04-24T04:28:00.000+03:00

One of the blogs I like to read is hosting this event to spread understanding and awareness of peoeple from all walks of life.

So, go check it out:

First annual "10 Things I Want You To Know About My Life" Event.

Pros and cons of being married to a Saudi man living in Saudi.

2007-04-22T02:04:00.000+03:00

Pros

1. More likely to learn the Arabic language.

2. Jump, skip or hop to Mecca and Medina when ever you want.

3. Hubby won't mind if you choose not to work so that you can be a stay at home wife or mother.

4. Chance to travel and experience things you may never have.

5. Opportunities to better educate yourself in the religion of Islam. {if you are a Muslim that is}

6. Learn to appreciate a new culture and experience all it has to offer {I really like the hospitality of the Arab culture…this includes the food….that must be why most women get fat when they come here.

7. Sense of obligation and duty towards children {less likely to be a dead beat dad}

8. Dates…Saudi Arabia has some of the best dates and a wide variety to chose from.

9. Arabic coffee….. yum yum~! I can drink a whole thermos and am licking my lips just thinking about it.

10. Bigger apartments and houses {when I sent pictures of my apartment to my family in America they assumed we lived in a house}

11. More laid back lifestyle {Saudis don't sweat the small stuff}

Cons

1. To many cultural differences

2. Living in Saudi {wink wink…unless you hooked yourself a Saudi that wants to live out side of the kingdom…and beware some Arabs get an itch to go back home to live at some point}

3. Having to explain that you didn't mean to insult some one {Some English expressions are insulting to Arabs.}

4. Some Saudi men may mind if you choose to work.

5. Will bitch and complain when you ask to be taken some where. {the intensity of said bitching varies from man to man} The most common response is I am busy. Then I ask doing what? Um…well…you see I have a lot of stuff so do. I see ...so like what kind of stuff. I am just busy stop asking.

6. A huge in-law family to keep happy and to try and communicate with. Let's just say there are a lot of puppet shows and sign language that goes on.

7. May have no other choice then to live with said family.

8. Trying to find close intimate friends {being from different cultures and back grounds makes it hard to get close to Saudis, we simply think differently most of the time}

9. Accepting cultural norms that are not necessarily religious in nature. I am Muslim and wore the veil in America but upon coming here I was asked to wear the more "conservative" abaya from the head. So stupid me gets one that doesn't close in the front so between balancing it on my head and keeping it closed {Saudi women make it look so effortless} and trying not to fall {am a klutz from birth} I mange to get it caught under the wheel of my carry on suit case and as I am trying to leave the plane it slowly falls off my head and down my shoulders exposing my hair and bare upper arms before I caught it. So the men on that plane got a bit of a peep show. Sorry boys I'm married

10. Going through a kind of culture shock in the beginning of the marriage…{marriage itself is hard enough with out throwing different languages and cultures in to the mix…believe me there will be tears and sobs and so many times when you have misunderstood each other.}

11. Dealing with a spoiled momma's boy… {most Saudi men expect to be served and do little around the house. I know that men have a reputation for being messy but Saudi men take it to a new level by leaving tissue, garbage, food and everything else where ever they go. One friend described her husband eating seeds and spitting the shells out all over the house….can you say disrespectful. I even, as an experiment, stopped picking up my husband's messes to see if he would. After a week there where nut shells every where and his garbage, papers and books every where else. I even found nut shells in one of my knick knacks.

12. For those who have children, being a single mom in a sense because some Saudi men don’t get involved in the day to day responsibilities of the up bringing of the children. Most discipline and care is expected to be done by the mother. {Ask a Saudi man to change a diaper or wipe a snotty nose and you get this look like…..how dare you don't you know I am a man and am above such demeaning labors…then begins pounding on his chest to remind you he is the king of the jungle}

13. Kabsa {chicken, fish or lamb with rice} is the Saudi favorite and is served in some form for lunch. Some Saudis can't live with out it and eat rice at least once a day and some eat it twice a day. Needless to say rice can get old fast for someone who's only used to eating it now and then.

14. constantly being compared to Saudi women and how they do things…in turn I say, with hands on my hips tapping my foot, if you think you can do any better then go right ahead.

*Mind you pros and cons vary depending on which modal of Saudi you marry

Walking on eggshells

2007-04-14T02:00:00.000+03:00

I've always been under the impression that women were more sensitive sex. However since getting married, living so closely with a man and conversing with my married friends {almost all of them are} I'm declaring men the more sensitive sex.

I am so tired of walking on eggshells concerning many important issues. I am tired of questioning what should be talked about and what will or won't bruise Mr. sensitive's manliness. I mean we are married and as long as the subject is approached with respect, compassion and a reasonable manner than why are some things so hard for men to deal with. Is it that they don't want to or is it because I have damaged your oh so manly ego and pride. I am just tired of being anxious about what comes out of my mouth. My feelings are so introverted I need to be able to express myself fully and not feel stunted. Why do some men close up and refuse to share there own feelings. Are they afraid that showing some emotions or unlocking some feelings will some how make them less of a man? Or am I just overly fixated on sharing? I can't help how I feel I need to let my feelings out and I need someone who will understand that my feelings don't have to be important to the opposite sex but that they realize they are important to me.

Is this too much to ask for?

Ninjas

2007-04-12T01:54:00.000+03:00

"A ninja may have been an assassin or spy in Japanese culture, usually trained for stealth. Appearing in fourteenth century feudal Japan, and active from the Kamakura to the Edo period, their roles may have included sabotage, espionage, scouting, and assassination missions, perhaps in the service of feudal rulers (daimyo or shogun). Since the art of stealth killing leaves no witness, the truth about the ninja will likely remain hidden. " {Wikipedia}

I was reading a blog the other day and gut busting laughter followed as I read his ranting about what he calls Ninjas. He is referring to women that wear the niqab that covers there entire face except for a slit for the eyes. Now some may find it insulting but this ninja thought it clever and liked the Englishman's blog. He has a very openness about him and his sense of humor. He not only sees the bad in Saudi but the good as well. If the question of whether or not Saudi women are meek oppressed women who need to be liberated is up in the air for some of you then you must take a look at some quotes from:

An English man in Saudi

"The cashier sent two lardo-ninjas packing and they were SO upset! He obviously wasn’t aware that they are more important than the rest of us! It was one of the most entertaining spectacles I’ve witnessed in this country. Go on love, waddle off to the back of the queue whilst we laugh at you!
Unfortunately in true "Shogun Assassin" style they will be back but for now check-out guy, I salute you."

"Last night in a clothes store a particularly large and cumbersome ninja decided that rather than queue with everyone she’d start her own queue at the exit from the tills. As she lumbered straight to the next free cashier my wife and I laughed at her behaviour and a Saudi chap in front of us (who had also been jumped by lardo-ninja) saw the funny side with us. When her majesty had been served he actually insisted that I go in front of him to the free till.
I can only assume that in some way he was trying to apologise for her behaviour. I thanked him profusely and wondered at the peerless manners of some people in this Kingdom, both good and bad. I'll forget her soon enough, but I wont forget him."

Now his blog has brought up another issue and it is one that irritates me to no end and I'll never get used to it. That is the concepts of standing in line, one at a time, wait your turn and no cuts. And because I Am American I do stand in line to wait my turn and there are always plenty of women that jump the line and don’t seem to notice those of us that have been waiting. But because of the language issue I usually don't put up a fuss. I just smile and wait graciously. Now another friend of mine is not as indulging and she will tell them they have made a blunder but most of the times they just look at her like she is crazy and go on about their business.

It is not just the lines but women will actually push to get to the front of a line or to make a line like to the bathroom move forward. I was coming out of a mosque once and there was a gaggle of women surrounding the front door as that is were we all take off our shoes. I grabbed mine and heading for the exit where an older women with some trouble walking was holing up the line as she was trying to get down the stairs to the street. So I wait and other women start to line up behind me and then proceed to push. We were literally pressed up against each other to the point of being crushed and I was worried that we may push the elderly lady in the door way trying to mange stairs. It got so bad that I tried to push backward to get them to stop. Thank God no one was hurt but I must say I got closer to some of those women then was comfortable.

Another incident happened while traveling. My family and I wear on a bus to Mecca and if any of you have ever traveled in side the kingdom know the bathrooms are a very dirty stinky nightmare. Because we are traveling by bus there are a lot of women and children and more then one bus will stop at the same place. So you can imagine the number of women who wanted to use the toilet and make ablution for prayers. And using the bathroom and making ablution while trying to manage your abaya is no easy task to begin with. So there I am abaya tucked under my arm with my step daughter waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting {imagine a decked out ninja, with her abaya held under her arm to keep it from touching the yuckiest bath room floor, doing the pee pee dance} while woman after woman pushed her way to the front or just cut in front of me. I just can't bring myself to push or shove people to get to the front of the line but if you don't you might just pee your pants. I am a little bolder then when I first got here and although I don't push or jump the line I simply don't allow others to take my place and insist they wait behind me until it is there turn.

I have come to notice that it is quite common for men to take a more organized approach and seem more organized in general. I was just talking to a friend who has a daughter in 1st grade and she had just gone to her daughters' parent teacher day. She was complaining of how disorganized it was and how other mothers would cut in while she was talking with the teacher {this is the friend I mentioned before who will tell them like it is whether they understand her or not}. Then she was telling us that her son's school was very different and her husband told her that there was no cutting in and it was very well organized. So she expected that the girl's side of the same school must be as well. Then I told her that this lack of organization is a woman thing because I used to work at that same school on the girl's side and parents day and just about any other activity was just as unorganized as her daughter's school if not worse.

So, I asked myself why Saudi women line jump, push and have no sense of organization. To be completely honest I would say because they are ignorant or are not taught manners but that is not true. The reality is that I can't think of a reason why this is so and when I have told some women about the way we see them and what we think about there pushing and cutting in line they have never really responded except to laugh.

Beware of this woman

2007-04-04T01:46:00.000+03:00

Oh my God! This is so cool....you go girl

It has been one of the things that makes me mad every time I think about it. Most girls do not receive any kind of physical education at school or are given any information about nutrition. No wonder the number of obesity in women in on the rise.

Why is it men think that is a woman participates in sports she will be less feminine? Why is it schools ban physical education for girls claiming it is of religious reasons. Come on we all know that the Prophet Muhammad used to race with his wife Aisha and other women companions were fit and knowledgeable enough to fight in many wars. None of these things made them lose their femininity.

When I was teaching in a local private school here in Al-Hassa I lobbied hard to get the girls some kind of Physical education and I was rebuffed at every turn. The most common excuse was that the girls would have to wear pants and that was immodest. I told them in return that the girls could wear pants under their school uniforms if that was all they wear worried about but still they would not give him.

So, more power to the women who are able to fight and win the battle.

Beware of this Woman

The Yellow Wallpaper

2007-03-31T20:07:00.000+03:00

The Yellow Wallpaper

Never has a book opened my eyes or given me such insight. This book was like opening the pages of my own mind and it really shocked me how much I could relate. I mean you would think that my situation being the time that we live in would not be comparable but it is in more then one way. I went through my own period of "madness" thought not as sever as the narrators in the Yellow Wallpaper, it was enough to scare me and it was really hard to get myself out of it. I was so scared because I couldn't get my husband to understand that I was standing on the edge of a full melt down. I either was putting on an act when he was around {and while he was away I was drowning in the darkness of my mind.} or trying to get him to understand by expressing my concerns. However he would always shrug it off and tell me to have faith in God. Which is good advice but when you are in a strange place and you can't seem to mange then that advice is hard to implement because lets face it you are not managing to even get out of bed or do much of anything else. Until all this I never knew how much I could sleep…the record is nearly 24. I never imagined that when we moved here it would that hard on me and that I would be so isolated.

The narrator saw bars in her wallpaper but I have bars on my windows….no symbolism intended, no joke, I have very real bars on all my windows. And some times I just stand in front of those bars and think of how life might have been different…only if.

"For Gilman, the conventional nineteenth-century middle-class marriage, with its rigid distinction between the “domestic” functions of the female and the “active” work of the male, ensured that women remained second-class citizens. The story reveals that this gender division had the effect of keeping women in a childish state of ignorance and preventing their full development. John’s assumption of his own superior wisdom and maturity leads him to misjudge, patronize, and dominate his wife, all in the name of “helping” her. The narrator is reduced to acting like a cross, petulant child, unable to stand up for herself without seeming unreasonable or disloyal. The narrator has no say in even the smallest details of her life, and she retreats into her obsessive fantasy, the only place she can retain some control and exercise the power of her mind."

When I researched the novel I found this from a web site explaining the themes, motifs and symbolism of the book. I find it interesting though it is more extreme then my own life but there is some truth in it. Here in Saudi Arabia there is a distinction between culturally accepted behaviors and activities that a woman may indulge in. Although I don't believe there is a focus on her being a second class citizen. I just think we are under estimated. Now the childish state of ignorance does apply to some women here. Many women are discouraged by their families to participate in outside activities, attend classes, school or work. I have never met any in my time spent living here but have heard many stories of it. "The narrator is reduced to acting like a cross, petulant child, unable to stand up for herself without seeming unreasonable or disloyal." This part really hit home for me. I am sure my husband has seen me as hysterical, out of control, or bordering on crazy. And it is the ultimate question… How do we assert ourselves without seeming disloyal, ungrateful, and disrespectful? In another explanation of why the author chooses wall paper, it explained that it was considered feminine because it was one of the few things women in that era had any control over. Now I don't feel that my own situation is that bad but I do sometimes feel as thought I have no control on other things in my life like when we move to a bigger city, when we go home to visit or any other decision that is big. Now he does get my input and consider how I feel and what I would like and that is so much more than most but it still makes me feel like a child. Of course it is not hubby's intent to do that but it is inevitably the out come. And so this blog becomes the place that I retreat to and thank God for that or I might be going down a very different road.

I recommed you read it for yourdselves, The Yellow Wallpaper

Discovering the Woman I Want to Be

2007-03-30T10:26:00.000+03:00

It really is amazing the thinking that happens while in the shower. I have had more then two profound thoughts while in the shower this week and I will tell you a little secret, I slowly feel myself being restored to my former glory. Why you might be thinking. Well it is a combination of things really. Having lost my sense of self is the worst thing that could happen however My newly started blog, my Sunday bitch fest and my journaling are what have jump started me. It is not complete but it might be just enough hope to get me back on track. Back to the thought that came to me, first I was thinking about why I get in to a mood sometimes and I don't want to go out, talk to anyone or even leave my room when my husband or step children are here. I remember my mother doing something similar when I was young. I have often thought it was for a reason or that something would happen to set me off. Take yesterday for example I was fine and had had a good week and was very busy but yesterday I was fighting the urge to call into work sick and spend the whole day alone and had the feeling of not wanting to see anyone. I couldn't think of a single reason not to go and literally had to force my self in to the shower and to get ready for work. Now this is where the "ah ha" moment jumps in, after just forcing myself to get ready I was fine and the urge to crawl into myself was gone and I had a good day. Maybe I have grown so unwilling to strive because of my recent feelings of hopelessness. The feeling that nothing in my life is going to change and that I just must deal with it. All the moods I've had over the years since moving here have in fact been me not thriving to live life or push passed the obstacles. Normally I am not like that and have always come out on top despite the curricumstances. Then this train of thought led me to one that I have thought about often. What is the emotional trigger that has led me to gain back all the weight I worked so hard to lose and why I stopped exercising? I will be the first to admit I am lazy but it is more then simple laziness. I have also known for sometime that I am an emotional eater and it is particularly bad when the emotion or problem seems to have no end or solution in sight. I have been unable to pin down which emotion caused me to spin out of control. The truth is that there have been so many lately that I thought it was a combination of things but mainly the fact that I haven't been home to visit in 6 years and am not entirely sure when I will be able to visit. However as I was thinking in the shower today I was homesick just as much when I lost all the weight to begin with and that maybe I didn't want to know what the really problem was. How ever thanks to the bitching brigade {as my friend likes to call it} and some recent literature that I have read I have been given some tremendous insight into myself and the women I was and want to be. The first thing I want to change and get in to the habit of is replacing my need to eat when I have a problem to exercising and allowing myself to feel my emotions instead of pushing them down with food. I want to be a confident, successful, healthy, athletic, intelligent, woman who can maintain her identity and attain healthy habits for life. I have begun my journey to discovering this woman and hope and pray that I will be able to hold on to her.

Another thing that I seem to have lost is my independence. Living here makes it hard for me to feel independent when you pretty much need a man to do everything for you. Having a job and my own money has helped me feel a bit of independence but I still need a man to drive me to the bank. Then there is my identity am I just my husbands wife. The answer to that question is no. I'm more then that but it is just a fact that I have forgotten. In the beginning of my marriage I wanted so much to please the man that I had so much respect for and had so much knowledge and was unlike anyone I had ever known. In my quest to please him I have sacrificed myself to become the person that he envisioned. He never asked for that but I took it upon myself and as a result I've lost myself and haven't been successful in making either of us 100% happy. How can we be when I am pretending to be someone I'm not and you know some say that women marry men like there father. I was always trying to win my father over by trying to be what I thought he wanted and now I am doing the same thing in my marriage. It is so confusing because I have always liked the person that I was and am now but why I felt like my father and husband didn't find who I really am acceptable is beyond me. It is time to do some soul searching and find out who I am and not who others want me to be. And from now on I must try to be only who I am and never change that person for anyone because in the long run that will not make me happy or the people around me happy. I can remember a time when I was a rebel that didn't care what any one else thought. But because my husband is well known I have been trying to portray an image that is not false but is something I believe shouldn't define who I am and all I have been doing is worrying about what others think of me. Because of who my husband is they expect certain things from me It is very hard, for what ever I do in this society will have either a negative or positive result on my husband. So for the most part I conform and am happy to do so to save face but I seem to have lost my edge and have become afraid of everything. I used to jump at the chance to do different things and wanted to experience all kinds of adventures. But my biggest adventure lately has been going to the bookstore that I have been to a hundred times before.

The one thing that makes me feel like me again is having a voice. I never understood how important that was. I think I was born giving my opinions and that is one thing I have in abundance and am never afraid to give. That is one of the reasons why I am grateful I grew up in America the land were everyone has a voice and the land where having an opinion is valued. But here in Saudi it is so much harder to be heard. My husband hears me and often seeks my advice and my commonsense point of view on things but he is the only one that hears me and until starting my blog I didn’t realize how much I've missed being heard.

So, I am going to try to figure out who I want to be and where I want life to take me. I know one thing I want to serve and for better or worse my home is here now so I must thing of the best why to serve here, I know one thing for sure I want to make a difference for women here. Now all that is left is to try and figure out the best way to go about that.

The person I lost...

2007-03-29T09:22:00.000+03:00

but who still dwells some where inside of me.

I wasn't sure what my next topic was going to be about but after reading my friends latest blog topic it got me thinking about who I am now compared to who I used to be. SSW refers to her lioness and her comment, "So, what happened to my lioness self" Made me think even more. It dawned on me that since marriage something inside of me changed and the person I used to be is hidden deep down inside of me. Once we are married something inside of us changes. We are no longer accountable to ourselves but are better half {so to speak} as well. It is really hard to maintain ones identity and independence after marriage and this can cause so many issues.

I have never thought much about feminism however after some reflection I discovered that before Converting to Islam and getting married I was a feminist, although I never would have called myself that or even thought much about it. That part of me is but a whisper that rises up some times. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying becoming a Muslim or getting married is the cause of my true self being repressed but is a number of things. Living in Saudi Arabia with its the wonderful along with the bad, getting married, becoming a Muslim, and being homesick have left me feeling purposeless, then in turn causing me to feel depressed and has really sort of beaten down my lioness {as Saudi step ford wife calls it} down.

Don't get me wrong I am not a man hater and don't think men and women are equal in nature. We are physically different from men and that is a fact and because of these differences in nature I Believe that God intended for men and women to have different roles in life. I personally wouldn't want the same nature as a man. However I don't think that means a woman's only role should be a domestic one. Women should explore and indulge in what interests her. Although I am a firm believer in caring for your home and family first and not neglecting the duties to your children, one should not come at the expense of the other. Here in Saudi Arabia there is a phenomenon, women who can't imagine living without a job. In the beginning I used to bring up the subject with my high school students on the duty of parenting and that a women's first responsibility is to the children because she is the care taker of the future generation. Women whether they know it or not have the ability to be very powerful and influential, but also has the ability to corrupt the next generation if she shirks her duties. I still believe that, but I can see why they wouldn't want to stay at home with their children. I have decided that when I have children I will not work out side the home until they are older and require less attention. I feel so strongly that how a child is raised from infancy to the toddler years shapes their minds, personalities, and so much more. It is the stage in there lives when they need there mom the most and is most damaging if the mother is neglectful. On the other side one of my students told me she doesn't even like to go out shopping because she believes a woman's place is in her home. That extreme worries me just as the other one does. If she confines herself to the home and makes her whole life her home she will suffer, emotionally, physically, and mentally. We are the caretakers but we sometimes have to take care of ourselves in order to be better mothers. This is one of the reasons I love Islam because it teaches us to have a balance in every thing. This balance is achieved by choosing the middle path, avoiding the lenient position as well as the extreme. Having said that, it is hard to be a woman here, not because we don't have rights, but because there aren't many things for us to do. This is why I have become so subdued and have finally given up the struggle to be that vibrant, feisty, lioness I used to be. I have lost the will to struggle.

I have tried so hard everyday to find a meaningful purpose. My husband has one and it is a noble one that he wishes I would share with him. I do share it with him but for some reason it just doesn't feel like my own. From a young age I discovered while working in a hospital that I wanted to care for, help and comfort others. I just seem to have a knack and am drawn to those in need of help. My first choice was to be a doctor but that wasn't to be my destiny. After moving here, as an attempt to fill myself with purpose, I looked into attending a university on-line. While I was exploring what field I was interested in I contemplated social work as well as the law. My husband tells me that Teaching English is a good purpose and that it would be easy to accomplice a masters in the subject here but it has no appeal to me. I don’t feel that I will best serve others by being an English Teacher and there is no sense of purpose in it for me. That is what is so frustrating for me. I teach English only for lack of another choice. I tried to learn a new skill like knitting or anything crafty but that was no good as there was no one to learn from and that just didn't fit. Oh ya, I tried my not so green thumb at gardening but no go. So shocking seeing how much I love all things nature. I ever tried to start my own internet business that would also support a charity but the issue of getting around prevented that from going very far. A friend of mine said recently that I seemed to lack initiative and I plainly told her that I am just tired of getting shot down and having to pull myself back up. I truly have felt like it was hopeless. So for the time being it seems I have lost my initiative and the fire in my belly that made me fight for what I wanted and believed in. I have never doubted myself {if I did, I never let it show} and have always been confident but these day I seemed to have misplace a lot of things and even though I am young, I feel emotionally charged at times and then emotionally empty at others. The one that frightens me most is that in some areas of my marriage I feel like I have become complacent.

Ask not what others can do for you but what you can do for yourself

2007-03-20T21:14:00.000+03:00

I have been trying to decide what to write about for the last few days and seem unable to commit to a topic. So I wrote out a list thinking that would help me decide but big surprise it didn't help much. Then last night as I am reading the newspaper it hit me expatriate workers and the phenomenon of Saudis importing workers to do most of the grunt work for lack of a better term. The news article was about the ministry of labor banning expats to work in certain fields and instead to be replaced by Saudi workers.

It pleased me to read this and is something I have been saying from the beginning. Since moving here nearly 6 years ago the news is always full of the huge unemployment problems. I was always saying how many Saudis would be employed if they simply trained them in the areas that most expats are recruited to work. It has been slow to come because most of these jobs Saudis see as below them.

Saudis have also started to import women from different counties to work as house keepers. Now we have many families in America who hire help in the form of housekeepers, nannies and so forth but they are not expected to do things that we are capable to do ourselves. The amazing thing is that Saudis have become so dependent on these helpers that they have become lazy and are having people wait on them hand and foot. I am not just talking about the rich and famous either most economical classes can afford a housekeeper as there are different price ranges depending on which country you import from. Now don't get me wrong I am all for getting help around the house if it is needed for what ever reason or circumstance but it is just little things that bother me. Most that have a house maid will eventual stop picking up after themselves and allow another to do so for them and their children. I see this as uncalled for there is just some things I believe another person should not do for you. I mean throwing your trash on the floor or wear ever for someone else to clean up is just a no no in my book.

Something else I can't abide is some allow there children to sleep with the housekeeper so that they themselves don't have to wake in the night to care for them. I myself am not a mother but it just seems to me that some motherly duties should not be passed on to another person. Then as the children get older they themselves never learn the value of picking up after themselves and often command the housekeeper to do everything for them. Most will not even take themselves to the kitchen to get a glass of water but instead yell for the housekeeper and sometimes not so nicely nor respectfully command her to bring it.

Housekeepers are often employed in most big companies to tend to and clean up after its workers. The place in which I work employs two such women whose job it is to clean and maintain the building, clean up after the teachers, run documents from person to person {mind you our building is not that big} fetch coffee, chocolate and anything else that they think of. There is also a door man that will drive to the store to fetch things that our little café doesn't have. I mean it is just too much for me sometimes and because of my up bringing I find it so hard to bark orders or command someone to do things for me that I have the ability to do myself. So when I need some hot water to make tea or coffee I walk down one flight of stairs to the water cooler and do it myself while my Saudi counterparts will call down to the house keeper to come up and do it for her. I just don’t think people should ask others to do things for them that they are more then capable of doing themselves.

You should see what some of the women do to clerks in stores. Usually you enter a store and browse and look for your size if something catches your eye but most Saudi women walk in and start barking what they want to the sales clerk and are like do you have this color or style, bring me this, go get that size, and makes the clerk do all the looking and the work. They actually hire a special clerk that stands around and waits for the women to order them around. Some may like this system but it drives me crazy, I am a hands on kinda gal. I look around and if I find something I want on the rack I will search until I find my size. If there isn't my size on the rack then and only then will I ask the clerk to help me. It is so embarrassing when you want to go shopping for undergarments or lingerie and a man is standing over you. But that doesn't seem to deter most Saudi women .

The thing that really gets me though is how everyone men, women, children old and young a like will through their trash on the floor, ground, out of cars and just about anywhere because they know that everywhere you go there is someone who will clean up after you. I just hate to see people litter and take no personal responsibility. When you point it out to them they will often respond adee, adee meaning its normal or no big deal. They even hire men to carry groceries for you again not that any of this is wrong, I am just adamant about doing things for yourself when you are able to.

I have even known a fee spoiled women who don't work that insist on having two housekeepers one to do the cooking and cleaning and the second to look after the children. So she is free to eat chocolates and watch TV.

A few of my friends have housekeepers and sometimes when I have a gathering or dinner party at my house I need am run ragged trying to make dinner, finger food and snack and the tea and coffee. Then of course there is the clean up and the fact that I don't get to be as social as I would like to be. A few of my friends are like have our housekeeper do that but I just can't bring myself to ask another person to do my dishes or go put that in the oven. I won’t lie and say I don't like it when they have of their own accord gone and done my dishes for me. It was indeed a nice surprise to enter my kitchen after a dinner party and find most of the clean up was already done.

I would like to hear from you all about what kinds of future topic you might be interested in reading about Saudi. Or if you have any questions you’d like answered.

Why Desert Flower?

2007-03-14T00:23:00.000+03:00

Don't be at all surprised if you see a lot of flowers and nature pictures in my blog. Partly because of the lack of nature here in Saudi, my hometown had it all, the four seasons, lakes, trees {it is famous for it lilac's}, mountains, rivers, and flowers. I have always been a nature lover but never understood how much so until moving were there is very little nature to speak of. Now, sunflowers have been my favorite flower since I can remember. It is so funny, any one that knows me knows I love sunflowers but it is not because I tell them but that my house is full of them. If my friends see something with sunflowers on it they buy it and they know that it doesn't matter much what it us. My cousin even sent me some socks with sunflowers on them. It has turned from a like to a compulsion. No matter where I am or what it is if it has sunflowers on it I have to buy it. It has even become a joke between me and some friends. True story, my friend and I were out shopping and she spotted a sunflower water pitcher, she picks it up and says do you have this? The funny part is that I did have it. Another true story, my husband and I were entertaining some guest and one of them asked if sunflowers are the state flower of Washington? My husband asked him why? He said that maybe that was the reason my entire house was decorated with sunflowers. Other foreigners and myself often joke that back home we never would have had fake plants and flowers in our homes but here because of the lack of nature and color we have no choice. In the beginning I thought fake flowers in the home were kinda… tacky.

So that is why I choice the name Desert Flower.....I am a nature lover in the desert it fit great, plus my favorite flower does really well in sunny hot enviroments.

Home sick

2007-03-12T00:17:00.000+03:00

It it something that never leaves my mind and I long for it ever minute of the day. It makes my life unbearable sometimes. My home sickness is not because Saudi is an unpleaseant palce to live. No matter how long I live here it will never be home. It's not because I am a big patriot or something but America is where I was raised. I am free here and move about and go through life but it is not the same. I am finding it hard to explain the difference. More or less it is not my language or culture and no matter how much I adapt to it it is not my own. The people are diffirent as well not in a good or bad way just differnt. This makes it hard for me to communicatre and bond with Saudis. I feel such a lack of family and community sometimes that it burns.

Why I started blogging

2007-03-10T00:10:00.000+03:00

I must say that I was not much in to blogging or reading blogs. Then a good friend of mine told me about the blog she was starting and we got to talking and thinking up things that would be good topics and just all the good, crazy, funny stuff that goes on here in saudi. Then after going home that day I got to thinking that there is so much that I want to say about my new home. Then it hit me why not start my own blog and tell the world.

So check out my friend's blog:

http://saudistepfordwife.blogspot.com/

So, now thanks to my friend Saudi Stepford wife I am hooked. So keep checking back to see what I write about next

International women's day

2007-03-09T18:14:00.000+03:00

I read this quote in the newspaper tonight and thought is was well said and kinda funny because for the last few days I have been working on an article called: Am I Oppressed? A glimpse under the veil. So enjoy, tell me what you think and look for the article in the next few days.

No, I am not bald under the scarf.

No, I'm not from that country where women can't drive cars.

No I would not like to defect I am already American but thank you for offering.

What else do you need to know relevant to my buying insurance, opening a bank account, reserving a seat on a flight?

Yes, I speak English.

Yes, I carry explosives, they're called words. And if you don't get up off your assumptions, they're going to blow you away. {Mohja Kahf}

Am I oppressed?

2007-03-09T12:29:00.000+03:00

A Glimpse Under the Veil

This is such a widely discussed topic and one full of controversy. I think that many people see veiled women on TV or out on the streets but they seldom understand us or what lies beneath the veil. So in a sense I am unveiling us and giving you a glimpse into our lives under the veil. I am of course writing of my own experiences both in America and here in Saudi. I did think that it would be important to include the point of view of Saudi women sense they are largely misrepresented in American media. So I arranged a group of women some who speak English, some who didn't, their back grounds are varied.

I first want to start by answering the question in the title, Am I oppressed? Well I would have to say that depends on your definition of oppressed and freedom. The dictionary defines oppressed as being treated unfair or in a cruel way and not given the same freedom and rights as others. The dictionary defines freedom as the ability to do or say what you want with out anyone stopping you. Personally I don't agree with the definition of freedom. It implies no limits and that what ever I think of I should be able to do or say. Where do the limits come from and who decides what they are, is it the government or king, who will enforce them, the police. As Dr. Phil likes to say how's that working for ya. America has one of the highest crime rates, yet America is seen as the promise land…why is that? Most say or think it is because you are free in America. I can't tell you how many times I have been asked by young Saudi women why did you come here? You were free in America. Then I reply, yes I am free to date many men who will not care for me but take advantage and have no obligations or responsibilities toward me. I am free to have sex with many partners, get pregnant, become a single parent and maybe catch a disease. I am free to be so totally independent that no one takes care of me and that is why women and children are the poorest people in America. I am free to be paid less then a man doing the same job, I am free to uncover myself and be treated as a commodity to be used, possessed then thrown away when I am no longer needed. If this is what freedom with out limitations brings me then you can keep it.

Personally, I am of the mind set that mankind will not follow some sort of law or rule with out fear of some kind to some extent. So, I there for believe that the ultimate law should be with God as it is faith in him that makes us free and gives us rights. Freedom can not be considered so when it comes at the expense of others. So, no I don't feel oppressed, I feel honored because I obey God and follow rules that are meant for my protection and ensure peace, justice and equality for all mankind. I mean can you really say that I am oppressed simply because I can't drive or because I cover myself and don't allow men to treat me as a piece of meat. I may not be able to drive but I certainly get around and meet my needs. I won't lie, growing up as an American I would prefer to drive. However the reason women don't drive here has nothing to do with being treated unfairly or cruelly. The society is just trying to protect it’s self from corruption, they don't think women will cause corruption but that driving will allow more free mixing between sexes and that will lead to the corruption and break down of the society. Veiling is a blessing and a freedom. After becoming a Muslim I started to wear the veil and noticed that I was no longer being judge on my appearance, it no longer mattered if I was beautiful, had a nice body or was dressed in the latest fashion. The veil takes your focus to my mind and the person I am inside and demands that others treat me with respect. I had never had a man open the door for me when I was uncovered and he was able to devour me but after the veil men opened doors looked me in the eye and called me ma'am. They wear no longer allowed to feast upon me and had no choice but to respect me.

When I read the definition of freedom and asked the women whether or not they agreed there response was unanimous. They all agreed that freedom should have certain limitations to insure justice. One also commented that to force a woman to uncover herself could not be considered freedom. When asked who should impose these said limitations they replied that it should first be yourself, your family and finally the government. Other responses were that Islam, traditions, government and then our conscious should impose these limitations. Saudi women in general believe that freedom means taking your right as given to you by God. Most of the women agreed that to apply another countries idea of freedom would impose on them values that go against their faith and culture. All women I talked with said that they don't fell oppressed but quite the opposite they feel free. They also said that they like wearing the veil and many felt that it makes them more respectable. When wearing the veil Saudi women fell that others treat them with respect and follow certain manners when dealing with them, especial in regards to men. Nor do they feel like the veil limits them in any way, they feel that they move about freely in their communities. One woman said that as a teenager the veil acted as a buffer and put limits on her so as to avoid many mistakes that could have been made without it. Some women said they rebelled against the veil as a teen but after growing up some and researching the topic and understanding it fully they became comfortable and confident in wearing the veil. When asked their opinion on uncovering the face or more when traveling abroad, some said it depended on the country while others said they may change the style or color but would remain covered. Those who said it depended on the country said they would uncover their faces in the middle east but any where in the west they would not open it unless they felt it would cause some problems to remain veiled.

All of the women said they feel misrepresented and angry because the western media represents them in a negative light. Some of the misrepresentations are that women are oppressed, abused, too conservative or extremists. Others are that the people are not educated and that the country is not modern. They say that when anyone thinks or talks of Saudi they see camels and the desert and that is not all they are.

I asked the women if others could see past their veils what they would see. Their answers where the following: Educated, versatile, accepting of change, strong leaders, products of the previous generations of knowledge, mothers of the next generation, happy and satisfied women.

The women were split on the issue of driving. Some wanted the right to drive, others no and a few were undecided how they felt and agreed that in some circumstances some women should be allowed to drive. Most preferred having a driver to driving themselves but said that this issue was an important one because there are some women who have special circumstances that don't allow then to get from place to place.

I felt the need to write this article not only because of the negative press but also because of the negative attitude of some Saudi bloggers. Despite the fact that I am an American living in Saudi Arabia, this is my home now and I do like it here. I will be the first one to tell you that Saudi has its problem areas but no one seems to focus on the positive side and the internet seems to be pretty one sided. It has become a place for those unsatisfied to bitch which is fine but I simply want to represent the other side.

Saudi women to me are eager to learn, love to learn other languages, generous hosts, loving mothers, daughters, sisters and wives, have charitable spirits, and a strong sense of family, compassionate, but most of all they are free women who deserve respect.

Empowerment

2007-03-03T19:03:00.000+03:00

Hey all,

I've been thinking a lot about women now and through out history. Women have always had to struggle to be treated equal and to implement their rights. I've often wondered why we've been kept down and so few of us meet our full potential. Women have so much to offer and could be a force to reckon with. After watching a show about a woman pope and if it was real or just a myth, I started to wonder about why the church doesn't allow priest to marry. Then I was asked to give a lecture about the rights of women in different faiths. While I was researching the topic I discovered that priests not taking wives had to do with original sin and that woman were temptresses and that if a man wanted to serve God he had to avoid the temptress. And around the same time marriage was forbidden for priests, woman's roles in the church changed as well. I saw all this as men's way to keep women down. Men must of been threatened by us and wanted to find a way to keep us down so, that we didn't reach our true potential. I mean if you study the Christian interpretations of original sin you can see man trying to paint all women as being evil temptresses who are the devils tool {by the way these adjectives are actually the ones used by Christian scholars to describe women}. Maybe cause of the way we are all brought up we try to empower ourselves through a man but that will never work. Now don't get me wrong I am not a feminist or man hater. I am happily married and believe in the roles of men and women. I am a firm believer in the different natures of men and women and believe that each was created with a certain role to fulfill. However, what I am saying is that women need to empower themselves and not wait or rely on man to give them their rights. Until we stand up for our own rights and what we believe in the world is never going to see us differently, treat us differently or give us our rights. I am not preaching or anything but it is so frustrating to me ...I see Saudi women not getting their rights but it is only because they don't stand up for themselves or make them selves heard. Those that do are so far and few between that their voices fade away. Some times standing up for your rights has consequences. The mind set of most Saudi women is suffer in silence not wanting to rock the boat. I just can't understand that mind set. I feel that this maybe why change is none existent or slow to come. Well, this was what was whirling around my head today and are only my thoughts and perceptions.

Lemons in to lemonade

2007-03-02T00:44:00.000+03:00

Hey All,

Being new to blogs and blogging I decided to check out other bloggers. In the proccess I found some blogs of other women livng in Saudi. The same theme seemed to run through them all. They were mainly bitching and complaining, don't get me wrong I have done my fair share of that believe me. However at some point shouldn't we try to make the best of what we have. I mean everything happens for a reason and the test is what we do with what we are given. Do we sit around and bitch or do we pull up our bootstraps and make things work. I will be the first to tell you that living here is hard some times, sure I'm home sick, absolutely things anger me, while others make me sad and most of all I wish things where different. So, what to do now....I will tell you I spent alot of time feeling sorry for myself and at one point was really depressed and pulled into myself so far it was hard to get back and I still have days like that. The big difference now is that I have taken control and no longer balme others for my situation and have decided to empower myself. I will make this place fit me~! In the begining I spent so much time trying to fit in and that was a big mistake. I began to lose who I was and became confussed. I now know that I observe most traditons and even like most but that me as a person can't change and that I must take control of my own life and destiny. I see that I have to make things happen for myself. Plus at some point we just have to accept some situations and do our best not to let them get us done and try to see how we can make the situation work to our advantage. Well that was my big thought of the day...lol

Isolated In Saudi

2007-03-01T19:05:00.000+03:00

Hi all,

I have been feeling isolated and cut off from my family and friends and thought this would be a good way to be heard by all and maybe help with the isolation. Plus it would give you all some insite as to what it is like in Saudi Arabia and what my life is like.

I never really placed much value on being heard but moving here as made me place more value on it. I have little interaction with others not because I am looked away in my house but because of the language and cutural barriar. Saudi women are very social but it is hard for me to click with them for the mentioned reasons and thus has created the isolation. I know if I were to learn Arabic that would help alot. It doesn't help that I am shy and am not very out going when it comes to making new friends. I have made a decision to try and be more out going in that area and that is one of the reasons I want to make this blog work.

So, I can't wait to here from you all~!